Saturday, December 24, 2011

All I want for Christmas...

It's the time of the year again.

Merry X'mas, my virtual mates.

Last Christmas Eve, I was still bartering away.

Probably getting ready for another booking this year.

 Mascara, blush, lipstick and that much loved corset... Checking the time, and the number of booking.

Being pleased with the 'Moo-lahs', I was about to make this 'festive season'.

Client 1, lunch booking... He was from out-of-state... Telling me that he just had to get away from the incessant annoying much un-wanted season festivity...

Every year, for the past 15years ... He has been booking 3different girls for each getaway.

The night buzzed on as I was driven from hotels to mansions to hotels again.

This year, I am sitting down  in front of my laptop (Drugs & Alcohol Free). Awaiting the dinner, as the smell of smoked turkey and the sound of Christmas jingles penetrates my room.

I can't remember, how did it last felt to be a family.

It's strange.

I wonder how the night will go, and how I would feel tomorrow.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Birthday, yet another.

6 years, since it all started out.

Older and wiser ? I am in doubt.

This year's birthday, was tragic. Filled with screams, hate, threats and unhappiness.

I am not sure if leaving the country was the best or the worst idea.

Whether, being in the city - reunited with the 'Family' ; picking up, attempting to mend the broken bits that I've long given up and ran away from, was such a good idea after all.

Yes, I have pretty much Zen-ed out. However, the memories and nightmares I left behind in the hustle and bustle of the big city life doesn't seem to be leaving me behind.

The past does catch up with you. Even when you thought you have buried it deep down in the dark abyss.

Even if its just recurring nightmares in your sleep. They find a way of creeping back.

My supposed fa├žade of the 'thousand gold little precious' - uprighteous gentle Asian girl, just isn't holding up.

Reunited, the rest of the family may have been.

Never thought, that might happen one day.

At 23, far far away from being malleable; what are my chances of being a bad girl gone good.

I don't know.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Pre-retirement.

'Are you sure about this ?' , said Aya.

'No, I'm not too sure. One can never be to sure. I can only make an attempt at it.' , I said with smile.

Aya stared at me , bewildered.

'Kate-chan, you are such a crazy girl. I really don't think you should do this. It's not stable. Why are you doing this?' , Aya sighed.

' Just shut-up and take it. You will need it. Plus, I rather pass this to you than anyone else.' , I said as I handed her my Blackberry.

She looked at me in disbelief.

I walked into the kitchen, just to give her and myself time to ponder over.

'Hey bitch! Kohi, o-cha, coke or cask wine ?' , I shouted.

'Cask wine ? You becoming Bogan? Kate?' , she laughed as she walked over.

'It's for marinating the bloody chicken and your mouth, silly girl!I'm moving out and have drunk anything and everything good.', I chuckled.

Aya, my favorite accomplice. I decided to handover my regulars to her.

' How about this , Kate-chan. I will help you look after these boys while you are awhile. When you decide you have had enough of being a hippie or whatever these white people call themselves. You can call me up! We can get the ball-rolling again! I don't want you to leave! You are the best! ', she said whilst tugging at my sleeve and swinging the Blackberry in her hand.

I thought to myself, 'Might as well. This girl is too much of a friend. To just take off with my contacts without feeling much guilt.'

' Okay then, Aya. You owe drinks. Fk the cask wine. Let's head down to that weird looking backpackers bar and grab some beers!', I said.


'Sounds more like the Kate, I know, Party time! ', Aya cheered as we put our heels on.

That was a great night. After which, I decided to disappear from civilization or just the scene.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Lies & Truth. Lies or Truth.

Tell me sweet little lies, that my ears would like to digest.

Paint me a pretty rainbow, so my eyes can feast upon.

I'm out of the country, thrown back in the city.

So how true can I be to myself. Test time ?

What are the lies within the truth to be fabricated?

What are the truth(s) within lies that have been told ?

I'm anxious. I'll be spending sometime with the family very soon.

Wonder how that would all change.

In a recent phone call, Mom expressed her wish of us all settling down as a family.

Finally? Isn't it a little too late ? Maybe, maybe not.

So yes, she has quit her job sometime ago to assist the twins with their lives.

She took my advice.

' Mom, you can still help them before it's too late. Before they turn 21 . The game might forever be over for you. You might never know who they are. '

I remembered telling her that 4years ago. She did take progressive steps to give up her career.

However, I still get random calls blaming me for the lack of in her life.

I guess it's not easy for her to let go of something she took so ling to build up.

But, the twins are behaving more humanely ; less spoilt and much happier.

Anxiety bites me, as I think of the 'free life' I will be giving up to give 'being in a family' a chance again.

Then again, isn't everything just an illusion of the mind ?

Anyway, on a lighter note . I wonder what the (city-chic) family would think of me greeting them in muddy gumboots and dreadlocked hair.

Kate, the fully qualified country bumpkin/amateur bush-ranger.

Probably atrocious and unacceptable.

'The only constant is change.' - Heraclitus

So the only way to survive is adapt.

As Darwin would say, 'It's the ones that are most adaptable to change.' (That will survive)

I'm a survivor! Or, at very least I try,

Fingers crossed. I hope that I will survive this test run in the city & family.

Also, not let the competition, greed, glam & what's not seep too much into my soul.

I feel like a rehab patient.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Closed.

Yes, I did close my blog for abit.

I felt a need of spring-cleaning.

A prick at my Moral Conscience.

When young girls and wannabe pimps send me mails asking me for advice into the trade.

My only advice is that of a karmic one. No, its a no go. Please don't.


Learn to be content; learn to deal with the hard truth of reality .

It will in turn make you a stronger person.

Slant me if you like. But, I'm living with barely anything now. I'm very very very (extremely) happy & content now. More than I have ever been!!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Cautionary Tales.

Don't do it. It's bad karma. No matter what reasons it may be for. Be good. Stay home, kids.

Yes, despite all that I've blogged, said & done.

Young malleable minds that I might have influenced. I'm sorry.

I've come a big circle to realise that being involved in the trade no matter what reasons it maybe.

Does start to corrode who you are and rob you of your self-esteem.

Where does it stop ? When does it stop ? How much is enough ? What is enough ?

"I'll just do it for awhile."

"I'll just do it till we pay off the house"

I've heard girls said... But, it's a never-ending cycle.

Despair.

Yes, you may come from a broken home lack of love.

Yes, you may have financial difficulties.

But, one day karma does catch up with you.

& What you may be doing.


Yes, the temptation and material lures may be great.

But, your diginity and self-respect is worth so much more.

I do understand, myself mentioning that 'love' or 'feelings' may not be as worthy as substantial material wealth  . However, it's a regrettable statement made by an angst 16year old.

I believe in situations of peril, Social capital is more worthy than that of Material capital.

Sex, drugs & money. Afterwhile, they slowly become one.

Monday, July 18, 2011

2011/Half/Just be.


"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first." 






— Jim Morrison









2011, July. We've reached the second half of yet another new year. Thoughts manifested, dreams achieved and plans materialized.




   What else is there ?




 After my 22nd birthday last year, I decided to take a break from the trade. Moved to the countryside and after to the bush.




I might actually be retired from the trade.


I've come to realise how little I could actually live with and be content and happy. That most importantly to be yourself and let your inner-self shine through.




During my time escorting, I've made a good friend and some bad ones. However, with a belief in goodness and certainty that all will be well. Things always turn amazingly well.




I've come to realise that there are more to 'material' capital. That maybe, sex for sale isn't the way to come about to find happiness, truth or predictability.


That no amount of material wealth or even the 'realness' of money would ever satisfy beings. Other than themselves.


No doubt, the trade maybe lucrative and something I enjoy. However, I need to caution youths that - becareful and beware if you are thinking or have entered the trade. I do understand the 'veils' needed and facades we have to put on. One needs to note that,


"Our subconcious minds have no sense of humor, play no jokes and cannot tell the difference between reality and an imagined thought or image. What we continually think about eventually will manifest in our lives."

Sidney Madwed


With that, the more we pretend to be someone else we are not, the more we do things we don't like; We eventually end up losing bits of ourselves each time, till we eventually lose all of what was true to us or even ourselves.Which, inevitably comes with the nature of the job, the act of trying to be someone else or even trying to hide who we truly are.


At the end of the day, we are only mere mortals. 


  I, thank all my readers and supporters for the emails and support over the last 5years. I hope that everyone enjoyed and continue to join me on this journey - called life.




The important thing in life, I've learned over the 5years of blogging and this experience of mine that.


No matter what you do, be true to yourself.


Which is really easy to lose sight of, with all the seemingly luring temptations of our Capitalistic Society. 




Be true to yourself, and don't be afraid to be who you are and want to be. 


Because, life's all about standing up for your rights and what you believe in. 






































Monday, May 16, 2011

May, own it.


Living in the bush of Amazing Australia.

Falling in and out of strategically planned mind-love games with people. 

The dialectics of life. 

I've been writing in my personal journals, instead.

Come to term that - work and what we do is - none of anyone fucking business . We should lead life the way we deem right. 

It's our lives, we own it. 

Saturday, January 22, 2011

O ! Mere mortals.

I wonder how far some people would dive into the depths of their inner soul . I want to know what drives them to do the things they do. Suppress who they are, sacrifice their soul in exchange for perceived security & happiness.

The indulgence in artificial superficiality of the cunning ideological capitalist way of life.

No doubt, a false sense of security and the ease of material attainment is better than none.

However, is it worth it ? This blanket of falsity we wrap ourselves around.

Tell me darlings.

What's your inner construct made of ?

Another Louis Vuitton bag ? That limited Ed pair of Chanel earrings.

Kate talking about giving up the pursue of material wealth ? The life of spiritual fulfillment ?

Money ? Is always good to have .

The problem lies with how and who you spend it on/with.

Equivocal.



Monday, November 29, 2010

Birthdays.

I just had an early birthday celebration over the weekend. The biggest one I ever had or can remember since I was 14 . ?

Gosh, We held over in Port Melbourne at Vlad's place. He invited all his Russian friends and we also had a couple of randoms over. Dennis was over too...

We had a couple of strippers over. A bbq, so many slabs of beer and shots of Russian vodka...

Gosh... It was mad, despite the rain.

I like birthday parties, but I don't especially like to hold them myself.

Anyway, Thank you boys for letting me do absolutely nothing for my birthday except wake up and hop in a car.