2days off.

Joel's off to LA for a job interview. I'm having my first night off without him.

We spoke on skype for abit before he left for dinner with his mates.

'I don't think I'm ready for this. I need time.' , I sighed.

He's been pestering me for the last 2 weeks to be his official girlfriend and sorts.

But, I told him it wasn't that this is what he wants now. After, casually dropping huge hints that what evolved around the relationship was just ... perhaps... sexual.

He wanted to be non-committal. Therefore, I didn't put up any challenges... The only thing I put up with was his lies and infidel.

Yes, I know readers. You would probably sprouts words of anger... Telling me who am I to challenge or even talk about infidelity.

However, I do seperate business from leisure (reality). I'm not the same person. Sugardaddy calls me by a pseudo name. I'm not kate when I'm with him. I'm......

I guess, its just terribly hard when you start falling for someone who falls short of your expectations.


'Joel, its not fair that you had all this fun. You felt truly happy on the expense of somone else's sorrow (bitterness). '

'It doesn't work this way. As you sow, you shalt reap. This isn't fair. I'll not be treated like that.'


'What can do to ratify my mistakes?'

'I'm sorry, Kate. I do truly regret my actions'


'No, you don't regret what you had done.'

'You only say so because you've "used" it already. You've gain happiness and enjoyment from what you've done.You don't deserve and aren't entitled to say that.'


Sighs.

I guess, the only way I can forgive him is to forget him.


'No, I can't forgive you'


'So, am I going to watch you leave and slowly lose you ?'

....


I really don't know .........